Jurassic Park Pet Peeve #1: Where did the T Rex come from?!
Alright, as many of you already know, I am a big-time Jurassic Park fan. I have been a dinosaur nut my entire life, and that movie elevated it to new heights when I was little kid. I wanted everything JP, the toys, the books, the collectibles, you name it, I wanted it. I drew pictures of Velociraptors and held mock dino-battles between Tyrannosaurs and Triceratops like it was my job.
I wanted to be Timmy. The idea of being able to lock a Raptor in the kitchen was hard to imagine. Even more amazing was that he had a sprained ankle and being chased by a blood thirsty killer as fast as a cheetah.
As I’m older now, I’ve grown up a little and realize that the movie isn’t all that great.
Forget that. It’s the best movie ever. The CGI and puppet work in that movie has yet to be matched, in my opinion. There’s very few moments where the audience says, “that’s obviously a computer animated image.” Part of me things that because it was one of the first movies to truly rely on lifelike computer animation, they pulled out all the stops to achieve perfection.
But even so, there are still moments in the movie that bug me. I won’t say the obvious, which is Alan Grant somehow rescuing Timmy using poor CPR methods and saying, “dammit Tim!” while Lex runs around because she’s been completely unuseful at anything and everything up until that point. At least Timmy does cool stuff like use night-vision goggles. Lex’ big moments to that point were 1) attracting the T Rex to the car with a flashlight and 2) being sneezed on by a Brachiosaur. Yes, I digressed, and I am a big JP dork.
I’ll begin with the first my first Pet Peeve from JP, “WHERE THE HELL DID THAT TYRANNOSAURUS REX COME FROM?!?!”
You know the scene. Alan, Ellie and the kids are about to be gutted by two ferocious Raptors in the lobby when all of a sudden they’re saved by the suddenly heroic T Rex (yes, it should technically be T. rex, but bite me). Sounds good, right? No.
I’m guessing that earlier in the movie, off camera, the Tyrannosaur learns how to be a ninja. Otherwise, how the hell does she just show up unnoticed to the party? Beforehand, the big girl couldn’t even sneak up on a goat without causing convenient warning circles in cups of water. I mean, honestly, who does Spielberg think he’s kidding? A 6 ton T Rex, one that couldn’t go five minutes without asserting its dominance with an unnecessary roar, has the ability to enter the lobby unbeknownst to the four humans and two extremely intelligent raptors? Right.
And then, the “super intelligent” raptor that didn’t die just decides, “Hey! You killed my sister, you’re a six ton jerk. I’m going to do something incredibly dumb and attack you rather than grabbing a small child and running away!”
And let’s not forget that Alan and co. just stand there for what seems like an eternity watching the T Rex thrash the Raptor around. Newsflash, people, you’re the weakest link in the lobby. You have no talons and weigh less than 500 lbs combined. There is still a 6 ton monster in front of you, and a highly intelligent killing machine behind you. GET OUT.
Eventually, they do, thanks to the idiotic Raptor going after a T Rex, and lo-and-behold there’s John and Ian with the Jeep just pulling up outside! Imagine if they had arrive 30 seconds earlier. They would have been attacked by the T Rex, leaving the Velociraptors there to slice and dice Alan and co. The original ending did not contain the T Rex, and I wish it had stayed that way, but then we wouldn’t have had that iconic scene with a flying dead Raptor and a roaring Tyrannosaur (there she goes again, asserting her dominance) as the “When dinosaurs ruled the Earth” banner falls from the ceiling. Give me a break.
I could see a ninja Raptor, but not a T Rex.
Do you have any Jurassic Park Pet Peeves? Comments are welcome!